Shinbou and the Glass Hill
by icediamond
Summary: A fairy tale parody, with Shinobu as the Prince on the Glass Hill, and Mitsuru as the Heroic Prince who rescues the Prince in Distress.


Shinobu and the Glass Hill  
or  
See Shinobu in an S&M Outfit  
by icediamond  
  
  
Once upon a time, there was an insane queen. I'm sure you know the type I mean. You don't? It's the type that runs around in a black leather dominatrix outfit yelling, "Call me the Queen! Call me the Queen!" Oddly enough, though, these types of queens are very popular among a certain segment of the population. *author coughs* Anyways, back to the story... Where was I again? Ah yes.  
  
Once upon a time there was an insane queen, who intensely hated her younger brother. Why, you may ask? There is a great deal of speculation for that question. The first is that she is merely jealous of his greater wit and beauty. The second is that he had been favored by their father for all their lives. Then there was the notion that he manipulated her into doing so for his own amusement. The truth is far from any of these speculations. The truth is... he wore S&M outfits better than she did.  
  
But the reasons behind the wicked queen's hatred of Shinobu were essentially irrelevant to the plot of the story. *author pauses to listen for a second, and then glares* Yes, there is a plot! I'm getting around to it, ok?! Pushy readers, trying to make me rush through the perfection of my writing...  
  
(Modest, ain't she?)  
  
Anyways, the queen was careful to separate the prince from casual contact with people. After all, it would hardly do for anyone to know that there was someone who looked better in black leather than she did. Unfortuantely, this necessitated close contact with Shinobu, because when left alone under the hirelings' guard, he had an unfortunate tendency to clean them of their wages and blackmail them into doing favors for him.   
  
So the queen was forced to keep him under her own watchful eye. Unfortunately (for her), deprived of his other amusements, Shinobu found it rather amusing to bait her, and her hatred for him grew with each second in his presence. Until, finally, one day he went to far. He wore a black leather outfit in her presence and then had the temerity - the absolute GALL - to look as if nothing was wrong. So she exploded.  
  
No, not literally baka! Allow me to show you.  
  
"SHINOBU!" screeched the Queen, her eyes clouded by bloody mists. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"  
  
Shinobu looked up from his blackmail file*, his cigarette dangling with studious nonchalence from one hand. He carefully hid a smirk. "What is it, neesan?" he asked, inserting just the right note of boredom into his voice.  
  
The queen sputtered for a couple seconds in utter outrage. "Y-yo-you-you're wearing an S&M outfit!"  
  
And what an outfit! It was black leather (of course) straps, criss-crossing his creamy skin and making any normal (I should probably add female, shouldn't I? Or, maybe not. Mitsuru might get upset :) viewer drool and wish for more. The straps met in black leather boots at his feet, and at the top... was a leather collar. On it was printed 'Mitsuru's Property'.  
  
*author drools*  
  
Shinobu looks at his outfit in exaggerated surprise. "I do believe you're right, neesan."  
  
"Take it off right now! I'm the only one who can wear S&M outfits around here."  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh really?" said the queen, a dangerous lilt in her voice.  
  
Shinobu returned his gaze to his blackmail file, as if her anger were beneath his notice.  
  
An entirely audible grinding sound was heard.  
  
After several minutes of that, Shinobu looked up from his studious examination of already memorized file contents. "Neesan, you're going to damage your teeth like that."  
  
That was it. Nagisa lost the already fragile reins of her temper. "GUARDS!" she screamed in her most piercing voice.  
  
As the guards filed in (wearing armor tailored to look like modern suits *sweatdrop*), Nagisa managed to conceal the obvious signs of her rage.  
  
"A! B! C! D!"   
  
"Hai?" chorused her henchmen.  
  
"Arrest Shinobu and take him to the top of the glass hill that Daddy made to catch me a husband. Then announce to the entire kingdom that whosoever can reach the top of the hill shall have his hand in marriage!"   
  
*lightning strike (miraculously passing through the ceiling) writes in burn marks: 'And half the kingdom'*   
  
"What?!" screeches Nagisa in outraged indignation.  
  
*another lightning strike - much, much closer to Nagisa*  
  
"Fine! And half the kingdom!" she screeched. As her henchmen carefully (and from a careful distance) escorted her brother from the room, she muttered, "Pushy bitch."  
  
*lightning strike burns off all of her hair, leaving her miraculously unharmed because the omniscent author hasn't decided how to deal with her yet*  
  
  
* * * (This means scene change doofus!)  
  
  
Conveniently leaving aside the issue of just how the prince gets up the glass hill in the first place, in the fine tradition of fairy tales everywhere, we will now go to our other hero, a simple wandering prince whose outfit unfortunately bears no resemblance whatsoever to a S&M outfit. It does, however, look amazingly like Lemon Herb's outfit with a cheap plastic coronet added on. (note to self- next time don't waste all the costume budget on Shinobu's S&M outfit)  
  
Mitsuru reached the gates of a fairytale city. The streets were clean, the people were happy (some were even wearing signs saying, I'M HAPPY, with a big smiley face for the illiterate people, because even in a fairytale city, there's going to be illiterate people), the birds were singing, the sun was shining, and there was a chorus on the wall over the gates singing "Life is Wonderful."   
  
*Lightning crashes*  
  
Was being the key word in that last phase there.  
  
Mitsuru passed through the gates casually, nodding at the guards, who nodded back casually (after all, while a prince is not someone you want to mess with, in a fairytale city, they aren't that unusual either).  
  
As he wandered through the city, he saw several very large signs signs saying, "Glass Hill this Way". After seeing 3 or 4 of these signs, Mitsuru gave into his curiosity and followed the signs to the glass hill. As he reached it, he stopped and just stared.  
  
  
  
*Contents of Shinobu's blackmail file  
-a picture of Nagisa in a pink frilly dress  
-a picture of her current boyfriend in drag, stripping  
-a record of who's been embezzling from the castle funds   
-a picture of Zoisite kissing a duck (Sailor Moon)  
-a picture of Hasukawa in a pink bunny suit  
-a picture of Shun and Hasukawa um...together in the pink bunny suit *raises eyebrows*  
-names and addresses of all Nagisa's past, present, and...FUTURE?! boyfriends? How the hell did he...oh, yeah. It's Shinobu. Right, got it.  
-A record of Nabiki Tendo's charity donations (Ranma 1/2)  
-A picture of Zelgadis dancing around in his boxers (black silk), with a lampshade over his head (Slayers)  
-A picture of Rei and Usagi kissing (Sailor Moon)  
-A picture of Goten and Trunks kissing (Dragonball Z)  
-A picture of Lina giving money to a beggar kid (Slayers)  
-A movie of the daily life of Lina and Naga's Shadow Reflector doubles (Slayers OAV)  
-A music video of Aoshi singing some Britney Spears song (Rurouni Kenshin)  
-A recording of Ranma backing down from a fight (Ranma 1/2...duh)  
-A music video of Nuriko dancing to Dude Looks Like a Lady (Fushigi Yuugi)  
-A recording of Xellos spilling all his secrets (Oh, yes and when I was 18 my mistress sent me out to kill some priests and then I had some fun with a game I called "Driving Wolves Nuts with Teleportation!" And then I fell in love with an Ancient Dragon and then I had a kid, who I named Valtierra and then.... (Slayers)  
-A tape recording of Vegeta admitting that Bulma was right (Dragon Ball Z) 


End file.
